Girl vs. Game – The age old debate | The ‘In’ Box by Lucy Brown

How do I get my 42-year-old husband to put down the PS3 remote and give his wife some intimate attention?

In soliciting questions for this inaugural column, I was surprised at how frequently this problem was echoed. Women from several different backgrounds and relationship scenarios wrote in to lament their significant other’s preoccupation with gaming. Most said they already tried all they could think of to cajole/seduce/ manipulate their man into paying some attention to amorous amusements. (Kudos to the gal willing to play nude Guitar Hero in hopes it would lead to she and her husband making their more own kind of music together.)

The truth is, there is no easy answer. We could digress into research about why any man – or woman, of course - can become more focused on gaming than on the real, live people surrounding them, but I know at this point you care less about the psychobabble than your need to just get laid ASAP, AMAP.

Even if Sony were to invent a Wii game that simulates sex, it wouldn’t be the same as getting sweaty with someone with a pulse. So here’s my list of suggestions:

• Ambush your former/ soon to be again lover at those rare times when his hands aren’t already on the game controller – in the morning, in the shower, in front of the fridge in the morning as you reach for your soy milk and he’s grabbing the orange juice. If it makes you late for work, so be it. If it’s only a quickie, it’s a start.
• Wax. For some reason,everyone is fascinated by it. If you don’t, start. You don’t have to go full Brazilian, but even slight manicuring will be an attention getter. If you already do, go for that lighting bolt you’ve always secretly considered, a guaranteed attention getter. (Just maybe not the week of a trip to the gyno, unless you want to explain).
• Keep in mind that while a woman’s sex drive increases through her 20′s and 30′s, your guy’s drive has been declining since high school, and you might need pharmaceutical assistant to get his engine revved. He might also want to get checked for any related medical issues.
• Honestly assess if there are any other overindulgent behaviors going on involving things like bongs or cases of beer. If  that stuff is prevalent, too, then that’s a whole other problem/column.
• Don’t bother to cajole/ seduce manipulate your mate into anything. If you are in a solid, committed relationship, you have a right to ask for what you want. Of course your partner has a right to give you what you want or not.

I’ll close with some good advice, albeit crass, from one of the men I polled for perspective. “Pick an evening in the week that is best for both your schedules and tell him there will be something going on in the bed room that night. Let him know if he wants in on it, he should be there.”

My adult daughter’s husband cheated on her and they had a bad break-up, but now he wants to get back together. He has been a real rat, and I know I will have trouble being supportive if she caves. How do I deal?

Because your daughter is an adult, you’ve already experienced the difficulty of letting her go out into the world and make her own choice and mistakes. I know watching her endure a cheating husband must have been painful enough for you, and seeing her return to the lousy lothario must be hard as well. You are entitled to voice your opinion, but she is equally entitled to do what she thinks is best for herself.

All I can say is that if she’s taking this man back, she’s probably going to need you more than ever. So just let her know you will continue to love and support in her choices, and be there for her when she needs you.

You don’t offer any further details that give an inkling about if this man is a serial cheater or if this was an isolated thing, but depending on his behavior, there’s always a chance their reunion will work out for the best. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

Also, please advise your daughter to be tested for every social disease imaginable before taking this man back.

Is it wrong to cover for a close friend who is being unfaithful to a horrible husband? (They have young children)

Sticky situation!

As I understand the scenario, your relationship is with your friend, and not her husband, so if you are comfortable covering for her then continue to do so. But since you asked about how to handle it, and also pointed out that they have children, I sense a twinge of guilt on your part.

No matter how strong your friendship with this woman, you are under no obligation to do anything that you feel is morally wrong to support her in her cheating. So figure out what you feel your involvement should be, if any, and then set boundaries based on tha, i.e. you might be willing to keep silent about her philandering but won’t actually lie to cover for her. It sounds as if you don’t mind her cheating on a husband you consider to be a jerk, but that you are concerned it will have a detrimental effect on her kids.

Keep in mind, too, if you get on the bandwagon of bashing her “terrible” husband or get too involved in covering for her, that the result could be damaging to your own relationship with her if she gets caught/ decides to work things out with her husband. You might also advise her to be tested for STD’s (see above) and be especially mindful of pregnancy prevention if she is still sexually active with her husband as well as another man.

The ‘In’ Box is an advice column written by Lucy Brown of Fayetteville. Please submit your own questions at theinbox@ozarksunbound.com. Anonymity guaranteed.

SIMILAR POSTS

• Obama Says US, China to Shape 21st Century at 12:23 pm on July 27, 2009
• How much is too much to spend on an ailing pet? | The ‘In’ Box at 12:51 pm on March 5, 2010
• Your boyfriend is an ass at 12:38 am on June 18, 2009
• Circuit Judge Mike Mashburn stepping down at 12:54 pm on July 9, 2009
• Modern Love – Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear at 3:38 pm on August 3, 2009