To dump or not to dump: Kids are a dating deal-breaker | The IN Box

Dear IN Box,

My girlfriend and I get along wonderfully, are attracted to each other, have great sex and spend a lot of time together. But she has a two kids and I can’t imagine marrying her because I don’t want a premade family. Should I dump her or not?

Signed,

No Ready-Made Families

Dear NRMF,

You should probably “dump” her, as you put it (a telling choice of term, by the way.)

Not wanting to marry someone because they have children is totally valid.

What makes you a cad is to continue having great sex with her under the guise that marriage is an option.

So you should, at the least, communicate to her that you already know for sure you’re not in it for the long haul. Perhaps she won’t care — remember, girls like great sex too!

If this happens, make sure you’re really on the same page and remember kids will complicate things in myriad ways, the least of which will be having to schedule your own Mommy and Me time around the little one’s visitation with daddy/ the ubiquitous ex (who will likely be an additional complication.)

Also, if you really don’t plan on being part of this family unit, don’t meet her kids. Ever. If you spend any time with them, you and your relationship with their mother will have some sort of impact on them, whether you want it to or not. And break-ups – which you say is inevitable in this situation – are always messy – throw in the crunch of animal crackers underfoot as you exit and the tears of a toddler, and it’ll be messier than finger paint time at the day care.

After barely graduating high school because of excessive absences, my nephew recently matriculated to the university in my city.

He’s just nine years younger than me, so it’s been fun having him around and doing some family bonding: he comes over to watch football on Sundays, eats dinner with my wife and me a few times a month, etc.

The only problem is he that he’s always asking my wife or me to buy alcohol for him and his friends. So far, at my wife’s advice, I’ve said no. But I also kind of think it would be no big deal. What do you think? If I don’t buy it for them, would it be okay to serve a little alcohol to him and his friends while they are at my house? Another factor is that his father, my brother, is a teetotaler, for religious reasons. But my bro did party some in college, and I am not sure how mad he would really be.

Signed,

Cool Uncle Buys Beer

Dear CUBB,

Tough situation. It sucks being the fuddy duddy standing between thirsty freshmen and a frothy keg, but misdemeanor charges also suck and they’re expensive.

First off, there should be no providing booze to your nephew’s friends.

Giving alcohol to minors is illegal, so take a tip from the mafia, who do illegal well: keep it in the family.

If you really want to know what your brother thinks about you having a few Sunday brews with his son, ask him.

If you’re trying to figure out for your self if it’s necessarily a bad thing that your nephew has a few drinks, then pay attention to his attitudes about drinking in general. Does he seem to have a problem with alcohol beyond the acquisition of Fat Tire? Why, for example, so may absences in high school?

Even if he hasn’t begun a down ward spiral into alcoholism, he was recently sprung from an alcohol-free environment into one where getting drunk is both encouraged and respected.

That can be a lot for some young people to handle, so your primary role should be that of an uncle who sets an example of drinking responsibly and expects the same of him. Hold him accountable, and don’t let up with the quality family time you guys are spending together.

He needs it.

The ‘In’ Box is an advice column written by Lucy Brown of Fayetteville. Please submit your own questions to us here.

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