Divorce party plannin’

Q: I am soon to be divorced and a good friend keeps talking about throwing me a divorce party. When I mentioned this to my mother she was shocked and very put off, stating that it was “trashy” and while I agree that its rather unconventional, I don’t really see anything wrong with it. Should I let my friend do this? Is it proper to celebrate one’s divorce?

A: Is it proper? Who gives a crap! You’re divorced – chances are, the very people who would criticize you for celebrating this part of your life are the same ones who probably weren’t terribly supportive of your decision to split in the first place. If you want to have a party, you do just that! Divorce parties are so commonplace now- hotel packages, party planners … Hell, there’s even a Wikipedia page – the only unconventional thing is that you’re toasting to something that some people view as a negative thing.

But hey- it beats drinking alone, right?

Society’s view on divorce has changed drastically over the last fifty years. It was once something that people didn’t discuss, but that’s hardly the case anymore. Its not unusual to receive congratulations along with condolences. At weddings, we get to celebrate a remarkable event that changes lives. There’s absolutely no reason not to look at divorce the very same way. Its remarkable for a different reason, but society uses rituals to mark changes and stages, and this is exactly that.

Look at it as a bachelorette party, just completely reversed. Now a divorce shower isn’t likely, but that’s why you took the toaster when you left anyhow.

Seriously though, its important that you do this for the right reasons! Obviously, celebrating one’s divorce has the potential to hurt feelings if done incorrectly, and its important to remain polite and tactful, especially if you have children. Staying friendly is important for divorced parents, and that means playing nice even if you don’t feel like it sometimes.

Ron Dilbert, founder of Single Parent Power, an organization focused on “guiding and empowering Single Parents and their Children to live a more productive, fulfilling and rewarding life.” has this to say about it:

This is a personal decision that comes with some things to think about beforehand.  First, how will a celebration like this affect your children when they find out about it? Second, how will this affect your relationship with your ex since you will need to work together for the best interest of your kids?  Third, will you be doing it for the right reason? Meaning are you doing it because you feel like you want to celebrate or are you doing it as a way of getting back at or rubbing your ex’s face in it?

Always remember that you are the parent and the person your kids look up to.  You are the one they watch to build their own foundation!

This is a new chapter of your life, one that’s all about you (and your children, if you’ve got them!). Put on your dancing shoes and have a little fun… Lord knows after enough time with a lawyer you could use a night out. The key is, do it for you – not for your ex. The point of a divorce party is to celebrate freedom, not recall the unfortunate events that led up to it.

The way I see it, you probably shelled out a good amount of cash for your wedding. Lots of planning and effort went into making that a beautiful event to celebrate your union with your (now-ex) husband. Make sure you put some time into your divorce party too. If your friend is going to throw you a party, have fun with it!

Pick a theme, go on a trip, sing karaoke, wear a flower in your hair, give your aspiring photographer friend with that sweet camera the first invitation!

Most importantly, enjoy yourself and move on with your new life! There’s too much fun to be had in this world to miss out on any of it for even a second longer.

A party is a party and this one’s for you, babe.

Send your queries to Heather at hgerlaugh@ozarksunbound.com

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